Book Review: I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris

14 March 2011

I received this book for Christmas from my parents, and let me just say that it has been one of the most influential books in shaping my views on the problems with "the dating game," saving yourself completely for marriage, and so much more. I read it cover to cover and loved it!

I Kissed Dating Goodbye
By Joshua Harris
*Summary taken from the back of the book

Going out? Been dumped? Waiting for a call that doesn't come? Have you tasted pain in dating, drifted through one romance or, possibly, several of them? 

Ever wondered, Isn't there a better way?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye shows what it means to entrust your love life to God. Joshua Harris shares his story of giving up dating and discovering that God has something even better--a life of sincere love, true purity, and purposeful singleness. 

Wow. This book is stunning. I can't admire it more. I think what makes it even more credible is the fact that Mr. Harris is now happily married with three little children--real proof that there is another way. We don't have to play "the dating game." God has a better plan for us. And it starts when you kiss dating goodbye. 

Another good point is the fact that Mr. Harris uses real life stories of his friends and relations to back up what he's saying. I really enjoyed that part, because I could "see" the results of the choices they made in their lives, such as whether or not to guard their hearts, keep themselves pure, etc. It really makes you look over your life and rethink what you always assumed was right. 

One of the main messages in IKDG is the fact that there is no set "rule" that all Christians have to follow.  Courtship does not have one definition, and neither does dating. You could court, and yet go about the process not guarding your heart anymore than you would if you were dating. On the other hand, you could date, but that wouldn't neccesarily mean you were taking part in what the world defines as "dating." It's not about whether you use the term "dating" or "courtship"--it's about your heart.

Have you noticed that in our modern day life many guys and girls date (and hug and kiss), but they would laugh if you mentioned anything concerning marriage? They want the fun of dating and feeling "loved," but they're not ready for the sacrifice of marriage. And thus, they are giving their hearts away to every guy or girl they date. Mr. Harris has what he calls his Little Relationship Principle, and that is "The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment." If you're not ready to commit, you certainly aren't ready to be intimate. 

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars. 


There are so many excellent quotes that I couldn't possibly choose a favorite, and because the content of this book is so much better described through Mr. Harris' own words, I decided to include... er, many more quotes than I normally do. :)

"I want to help you examine the aspects of your life that dating touches--the way you treat others, the way you prepare for your future mate, your personal purity--and look at what it means to bring these areas in line with God's Word." ~I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Introduction

"Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there's nothing in it for us. To want that person's purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her." ~I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Chapter 1: "So This Is Love?"

"A relationship based solely on physical attraction will only last as long as the feelings last." ~I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Chapter 3: "The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating"

"Until you realize God's gift of your singleness, you'll probably miss out on the incredible opportunities it holds." ~I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Chapter 4: "Counterculture Romance" 

"Like a fruit picked green or a flower plucked before it blossoms, our attemps to rush God's timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives." ~I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Chapter 6: "The Right Thing at the Wrong Time Is the Wrong Thing"

"Purity doesn't happen by accident; it requires obedience to God." ~I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Chapter 7: "The Direction of Purity"

"We need to take our focus off of ourselves and look for ways to serve those around us." ~I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Chapter 10: "Just Friends in a Just-Do-It-World"

Read this book. Seriously. It will change your opinion on dating forever.

6 epistles:

  1. Great review! I haven't read this book myself, but I know it's a wonderful book. My parents and older siblings have read it, and really love it. I'll definitely read it for myself someday.


  2. I'm so glad you reviewed this, Lizzy. I've been dieing to read it since I first heard about it.

    So true that part about courting or dating, what matters is where your heart is. That is so true. It seems that sometimes we think if we call something by one name it's good and by another name it bad when, in reality, it all depend on our heart.

    Love you,

  3. I've been wanting to read this book for awhile, and I REALLY want to now!! Great review. I agree with Nana, it really matters where your heart it. This really made me think :))
    -Jocee <3

  4. I totally agree; read this book and LOVED it to death. :) Proof for you guys (Jocee, Nåna, and Hannah) that this really is a good book. I definetely reccommend it.

    love and kisses,
    ~bree r.

  5. Thanks for the good review and the quotes! I also enjoyed this book. I particularly appreciate the quote you bring forward about the gift of singleness, since I've sometimes struggled to remember this. What God has been teaching me is that being totally available to him is a great gift, and focusing too much on that desired relationship can be a major distraction.

    at the Observatory


"Gracious words are like a honeycomb; sweetness to the soul and health to the body." —Proverbs 16:24

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